I don’t really know how I got here
But I’m so glad that I did
And it’s crazy to think that one little thing
Could have changed all of it
Maybe it didn’t turn out like I planned
Maybe thats why I’m such, such a lucky man

It’s so easy to hold on to a treasure trove of regrets. It take little to no effort to second-guess your decisions and question all you’ve chosen to do. But be honest with yourself for a minute and ask yourself the following question: Why? Where does it get you, really? If you truly made a big mistake at some point, then sure, you should use that mistake as a learning tool and avoid making the same blunder the next time. But the truth of the matter is that when you take a moment to investigate the bigger picture that surrounds you, there’s something spectacular about where you’re at right now, at this moment of time in your life. Revel in the fact you are who you are because of all the events that, as Rucker says, led you here to ‘This.’

When I reflect on where I am right now, there are definitely things I wish I would’ve already accomplished. In fact, there is a lot I feel like I should have and could have already done that, given the opportunity, I would seize now. Had I done some of those things though, I certainly would not be who I am today. Detours are often the most scenic of roads traveled, and thanks to the one I’ve taken, I can’t help but feel like I’m better because of it.

Hindsight is said to be 20/20, and while I completely agree, it might be for slightly different reasoning. Hindsight is 20/20 because of how it can confirm who we are going forward. It tests our adaptability and gives us a chance to more clearly chart out the path that lies ahead. Regrets need not be the anchor that keep our ship from sailing off toward the horizon and into the exciting unknown. Why not embrace the journey as it presently exists? There’s no reason ‘This’ part of your adventure has to play like some crappy, watered-down sequel. Heck, Rucker seems to have done pretty well for himself post-’Hootie.’ Why can’t you do the same? I know I’m going to try.

Not all that long ago, when Becca (my wife) dipped our toes at the possibility of looking into adoption, a person we were inquiring with about the process made it very clear: “You don’t have to feel like you need to succumb to a bleeding heart.” Perhaps, at first, that statement sounds a little cruel, but the reality is that it rings with logic and wisdom. We can’t save or rescue every kid out there in need of a hero, and more importantly, a loving and devoted family. I wish it were true, but it’s simply not possible. Most of us don’t have the ways or means to do so. But there are others, assuming they feel led to do so, that might be able to salvage the life of one of those children who would have otherwise been left behind and forgotten. On a more national scale, the same thing goes for the vast amount of need those in the Midwest and South have as they have been unfairly forced to deal with the magnitude of devastation the recent tornadoes have caused.

Does that mean we do nothing but sit on the sidelines and ignore the suffering all around us? Absolutely not. That would be selfish. We just need to narrow our focus and start strategically using our peripheral vision.

It’s one thing to give money to a good cause. Turn on the news for five minutes and you’ll undoubtedly see a multitude of needs, all surely to benefit from a little extra money at their disposal or volunteer help. But what about your neighbor? How are they doing? Perhaps you have a relative or acquaintance in desperate need of a helping hand. Or, maybe your local church or soup kitchen is understaffed and they need the manpower in order to effectively deal with an onslaught of needs they can’t meet otherwise. The list goes on and on. And yet, it’s so easy to ignore our immediate surroundings and only focus our resources, efforts and energy on the things in which we have little to no control over. Keep that up on a daily, minute-by-minute basis and I can assure you, you’ll drive yourself crazy. I’ve come close to doing it myself on many occasions.

In other words, let me end by answering the following question: What then are we supposed to do about all the suffering that pervades the world around us? Nothing. Not entirely anyways. Instead, use your peripheral vision and do what you can for one. Give the best part of yourself to the areas in your life and community where you can have the most meaningful impact and later, change the world for the better with what you have left.

My dad grew up without a father. For some reason, when my dad was five years old, his old man decided he wanted nothing to do with him. So what’d that man do? He got up, turned his back on his family and walked away. When I think of the thought process that must’ve been going through his mind at this time, I am in disbelief. Really? He couldn’t man up and take on his responsibility? He didn’t want to stick around and see what my dad as well as his other son and daughter would grow up and become? I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me mad. And yet, as I take a moment to step back and look at the big picture, I can see something beautiful about the whole situation.

My dad is by no means a perfect man. He’d be the first one to tell you that very truth himself. But despite the pain he’s obviously experienced throughout his life, one thing is certain: He’s pushed past the pain of an absentee father and made something of himself. He’s been married to my mom for 35 years as of this coming Saturday and raised three kids in the process–all of us who have since gotten married, committed our lives to Jesus Christ and started families of our own. Perhaps those few facts don’t blow you away as you read it, but if you had the privilege I have of seeing a man with the background and history of my dad’s grow up before your very eyes, all without ever ceasing to be my father in the process, you might think differently.

As I think what it would’ve been like to never have had a dad, I can’t help but be thankful. Unfortunately, for my dad, as well as millions of other children and adults around the world will never know what that’s like. Instead, they’re stuck with deep and painful wounds. For my dad, these have ranged anywhere from an overarching sense of personal insecurity and self-doubt, to a sheer feeling of agonizing curiosity as to why his dad left in the first place, and to everything in between. All things of which he’ll probably have to battle with the rest of his life. But it’s that same part of the story that remains so fascinatingly honorable.

Despite my dad’s personal demons, he continues to press on and live out the life that has been laid out before him as best as he knows how. It’s definitely not perfect, he will almost certainly have his setbacks and detours, but regardless of how his past wounds have altered his reality, for better or for worse, he continues to push forward and toward something better … a legacy his father never left him. In other words, while there are still times some 50 years later after his father disappeared where he feels hollow and empty inside, he has risen above it–never allowing those feelings to taint a life already filled with a litany of victories. And while there are countless questions that he’s yet to get answers for, it’s clear … the answers have become far less important.

Don’t let your wounds keep you from a life well lived. My dad surely hasn’t, and there’s no reason you need to either.

Have you ever actually sat down to consider what it would be like to crash on an island in the middle of nowhere AND with a group of people you don’t even know? At first, it sounds silly to even consider because, let’s be honest, this will, in all likelihood, never happen. But take a moment and honestly ask yourself the following question: What if you did crash? What if, regardless of what your vices are or what you’ve done in your past, you were given the chance to reinvent yourself and move forward with a past that has both literally and figuratively been completely erased and burned. For many people, the reaction to that thought is probably one of two things: It’s either mysteriously exciting or utterly terrifying. That said, I would venture to say that on further investigation of ourselves, virtually all of us, deep down, find something extremely fascinating by the thought.

As I watch through ‘Lost’ again, fully knowing what lies at the end of the six season series, the thing that resonates with me more than anything else is the characters themselves. They’re absolutely captivating. Layer after layer, episode after episode, their humanity becomes more and more apparent. Skeletons and all, everything about them is laid out in front of us, and yet, we can’t help but be enamored by every one of their own personal journeys. In other words, despite all the strange and mystifying things that happen on the island, ‘Lost’ is only really about one thing: the individuals. And in retrospect, it’s an absolutely beautiful portrayal.

So what would you do if you crashed on an island with no history to speak of and no knowledge of who these people are that you’re supposed to strive to survive with? Who really knows. But one thing is for certain, you’d still be you. Scars and all. You can’t run from who you were made to be. You can only improve on it … or detract from it depending on the choices you make.

As hard as it might be to believe, there’s only one you. Society might try to tell you otherwise, but its message runs hollow. The journey you’re on is your own, don’t let society mold you into something you’re not.

Consider the metaphor: Life is kind of like the island in ‘Lost.’ There may be countless questions we might not ever get answers for, and a lot of what we experience throughout our time might not even make sense, but we can take heart–those things ultimately won’t matter in the end. Our story isn’t about ‘what-ifs,’ it’s about ‘what is.’ Life should be about walking away from the wreckage of our past lives not necessarily to change who we are, but to capitalize on how we were designed and transform us into something better. So get ‘Lost’ already!

That’s where I was the last couple of weeks. Feeling down, and dare I say, a little depressed. (Just last Thursday even, I was thinking about writing a blog post, but just didn’t ‘feel’ it, and opted not to). And yet, after some prayer and reflection the last couple of days, something changed. What exactly you ask? Well, that’s the thing, I don’t know entirely … there’s numerous forces at work. That said, I do know of one very specific reason I can confidently say contributed to the change.

The reality of this life is that sometimes unexpected and, oftentimes, unfortunate circumstances can hit a person on the back of the head. I say back of the head because frequently, you can’t ever see them coming. The key is how we react when they come our way and who we team up with to take them on.

My wife Becca is a fantastic example of this: Her peace and calmness is unparalleled. Something breaks or starts to fall apart? Doesn’t matter, “we’ll” fix it. Unexpected costs pop up for something we didn’t expect or plan for? Relax, “we’ll” figure it out. Overwhelmed by the vast amount of unfinished projects? Let’s prioritize, “we’ll” get to them eventually. Picking up the theme yet? “We’ll” do or go through it, together. I don’t have to take on life alone … even though it feels like it sometimes.

Far too many times than I want to count, I’ve tried to do that very thing–do life alone.

I have extremely high expectations for myself. When I think I’m failing at something or missing the mark somewhere in the big picture, it hits me hard. I am constantly thinking of ways I can improve myself. I read tons of books. I pray for answers. I am constantly trying to figure out what my strengths are while simultaneously striving to discover my niche, and the unfortunate reality of it all is that sometimes, even my best efforts are, for lack of a better word, fruitless. And then I glance over at my wife and think to myself, I must’ve done something right … Becca loves me anyway … and so do my family and friends.

Have you ever felt isolated? Made big plans for how grand your life should be, only to fall flat on your face in what was one of your first steps toward realizing that vision? I have, frequently, and yet, I continue to find a way to get back up. You’ve heard the saying: get knocked down seven times, get up eight. For many of us, that probably feel generous, we’ve been knocked down what feels like seventy seven times, and it’s getting more and more tough to get up for number seventy eight. And that’s where it’s imperative we find someone to get behind us and help us stand back up. I mean, shoot, boxers only get three knockdowns before the refs end the fight and declare a TKO … and the truth of the matter is that you’re in for about a thousand TKOs. Don’t try to fight through those odds alone.

So let me bring it back to my point.

There’s no way to predict or foresee everything that lies ahead of you. You’ll have times where you’re down–where life sucks, and everyone and everything seems like it’s against you. Be prepared for it. If you find yourself overwhelmed by your circumstances or disappointed with where you’re at with your career and/or life in general, find solace in someone that loves and cares for you. They may not always have the answers you’re looking for, and honestly, there may be questions you have they’ll never be able to answer. But what they can provide is so much more: a listening ear and a faithful companion that will help you navigate through the murky, sometimes dark, and often frustrating waters we call life. “We’ll” get the things done I probably never will.

How often do you sit back and refuse to move forward for fear of falling flat on your face? I can imagine that most, if not all, people do this at one point or another. But then there’s a group of people who simply never do. And its those people I simply can’t figure out … their ability to take risks and conquer practically anything they touch is unparalleled.

Of course, when I sit back and really try and ponder all the reasons for their success, I can’t help but come back to two things: confidence and an identity. People that regularly do big things know, without a shred of doubt, who they are and what they’re all about. It’s the ‘one sentence’ concept. Can you do it? I know it’s something I’ve struggled with for quite sometime. (Heck, run-on sentences and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember.) But if you allow yourself a moment to think about it and ponder that very thing, you might be surprised at how much focus your life takes on. Of course … then comes the paragraph.

Throughout the last few months of what could easily be the wettest spring I’ve ever experienced, I’ve come to realize I simply can’t allow myself to be sucked in and eventually toppled by my surroundings–especially when, more often than not, I can’t control them. But despite this realization, I am often pulled in regardless, and paralyzed as a direct result.

Can you relate?

When I take a moment and pause to look at all that’s happening around me, I am often in utter disbelief. There’s so much pain. So much struggle. I look at my family and friends, and though I may sense they’re overwhelmed with their situation, I’m at a loss for how I can help them. Consequently, the longer and more frequent these disheartening circumstances go on, the more disillusioned and discouraged one can become.

The truth of the matter is we simply cannot fix everything. We cannot make everyone feel better, no matter how overcome with the desire we may be. But what we can do, if we’re willing, is to be the best and most effective versions of who we are.

I truly believe that God endows us all with a special set of skills and talents that make us uniquely effective in whatever we decide to do with our life. In moments of trying times and great distress, while we may not be able to make everything perfect, we can play a significant role in beating back the times in life that so often threaten to swallow us up in a wave of negativity and helplessness. We can serve our function, take a step back, and allow others to serve theirs. We do not have the ability to solve everyone’s problems.

Like I’ve experienced firsthand as of late, many of my family and friends are hurting. And as much as it pains me to admit, virtually all of it is beyond my ability to solve and control the outcome. Life can be so unforgiving, and I hate to see the people I care for the most be overcome by the pressures of it. That said, I’ve also realized that through it all, the best thing I can do is to knowingly wait to be of service.

If the opportunity presents itself, I need to know what I’m capable of and be willing to seize on the factors I can change at a moment’s notice. Some of the most defining moments in our life will present themselves at the most inopportune and inconvenient times. If ever there were a time when we can actually control the outcome and change the futures of those we care about, it’s then. To let those times pass us by without stepping in to redirect them for the better is to allow ourselves to let apathy have its way with us and render our life meaninglessness. It’s a farce we cannot let stand.

I get tired of constant rain. When it’s June and it’s supposed to be sunny with blue skies, it’s downright depressing to open my blinds and immediately be drowned in a wall of gray and drizzle. But despite my displeasure with the day’s weather conditions, the thought that always keeps me afloat is this: The sun will return again. If I’m not ready to take advantage of it when it finally arrives, it’s gone, and in the matter of what could be a day, it’s like the sun was never even there. In other words, while I cannot decide how long the rain will stick around, I can decide how much of the sun I’ll soak up when it appears.

You cannot fix everything. Don’t try and convince yourself that you can. You’ll be sorely disappointed and discouraged at what you discover. Be the best version of you that you can be, and your efforts to help those in need will be richly rewarded.

As I have been making my way through the latest book I’ve been reading, ‘Making Ideas Happen‘ by Scott Belsky, I can’t help but pour over just what it is that holds me back from turning the things I envision in my head and/or get excited about into something real and tangible. Perhaps even more frustrating is that the moment I do take some time to look around at the people I would deem to not only be efficacious, but successful as well, I know for a fact that it’s not unattainable. Tough? Most definitely. But impossible? Not in the slightest.

Of the many things I’ve dreamed about wanting to accomplished but have yet to do so, one of the things that’s always found a way to resurface in my head is writing a book–something I can use as a means to connect with people in a very uniquely personal and rare way. Unfortunately, for as much as I might desire that, I think I’ve convinced myself I can’t accomplish it. I’ve let doubt overtake my ambitions, and in the process, made this book writing hope of mine out to be something that’s simply too big to fail. In other words, while the ideas themselves might not be the issue, it’s the road leading to their consummation that scares me to death.

As the marketing guru himself, Seth Godin, and many others have said on numerous occasions, for every incredible idea that comes to fruition are 99 bad ones that don’t. And, thus, the fear of pointless progress dampens my aspirations. If and when I finally decide to break out the storyboard and just go for it, what will come from my efforts? An absolute masterpiece or a whole lot of wasted time and energy?

When all is said and done, and I reflect on what I just wrote, I think that ultimately, we have to get to a point where we just go for it, regardless of the outcome. Great ideas are everywhere, and it’s imperative that we find a way to turn a vast amount of those into something more than just a ‘what if.’ The reality is that we will fail, and that’s okay. We’ll also succeed in ways we never could have even imagined if we can ignore our fear and doubt and make something happen that wouldn’t otherwise.

When I think of someday writing my first book, the process alone of seeing something I deeply care about go from being nothing but an imagined possibility to a real piece of ‘art’ I can share with others will be life-changing. Far too often, dreams die at the foot of uncertain outcomes. What could serve as a gift to those around us becomes nothing more than worthless speculation. So do yourself a favor, don’t settle for the unknown. Progress is draining, but so is simply thinking about it … Why not push through to the end and see what happens? At the very least, at least you can pat yourself on the back that you made it to the finish line.

In short, ‘the resistance’ is that part of your brain that keeps you focused only on what’s normal and to be expected, not what could be if you push yourself past the status quo. In other words, excellence and originality need not apply if you’re just ‘punching the clock’ and going unnoticed–knowingly settling for a B when all it takes is just a little more effort and thought to help you reach an A.

To give this idea a little more perspective, let me explain how this has affected me at times. As I am sure those that know me have heard me say before, I can be both a perfectionist and a people-pleaser. If and when I work on a project of sorts, it has to be absolutely flawless AND appease everyone that reads or looks at it. If everyone doesn’t love it or it is simply void of any reaction whatsoever, I feel like a failure. Consequently, it is in those moments when even the simplest of tasks can start to look like a MASSIVE ordeal. View moments like that on a regular basis, and before you know it, you paralyze yourself from doing much of anything extraordinary or out-of-the-norm. Being safe and secure comes easier and easier and you start getting comfortable with being a cog in the machine.

It has become more and more clear to me that just fitting in and going through the motions is senselessly foolish. What’s the point, really? To bring home a paycheck? Reduce your stress levels? Avoid criticism? Fly under the radar? If as I said earlier, you’re just ‘punching the clock’ and going home happy that you simply didn’t screw up today, don’t be surprised if you’re unsatisfied with where you’re at both in your life and in your career. Trust me, I’ve been that guy before. I still am sometimes, and it has yet to help me push through ‘the resistance’ and on to bigger and better things. It NEVER will.

Anyone that’s graduated from preschool can think up an excuse for why they didn’t do something. Allowing yourself to be a victim of your circumstances might be the easiest thing to do this side of tying your shoes or putting on a t-shirt. There’s no two ways around it, when we convince ourselves our main responsibility is to simply just ‘get the job done,’ our growth is stunted. For me personally, there have been far too many times where I’ve been so by the book when it comes to my work that I lost my ability to be creative and make my ideas become a reality. I let my insecurities get the best of me and opted, instead, to stick with what comes easy. And you know what came of that great idea I once had? Nothing. It died. Buried alive. ‘The resistance’ prevailed and so did another chance at purposive progress.

So what will it take for you to stop following suit and being fine with just ‘punching the clock?’ I can assure you, it’s not worth it. Don’t cut yourself short. You have too much to give to those around you. As I’ve come to realize in my own life, the more times you say no to being uncommon and shy away from the things that will push you past ‘the resistance’ and above the status quo, the easier it is to settle. And last time I checked, there is nothing special or worthwhile about mediocrity.

I’ve always been one that can overthink virtually everything I do. And the funny thing about it is that, more often than not, I don’t even know what I’m overthinking since there’s so much going on in my brain at one time. So with that in mind, these last few months of my life have done me wonders, and it all started with … a diet.

On January 1 of this year, like I’m sure millions of others did across the country, I made a decision to lose some weight. On that Friday, I was the heaviest I’ve ever been, and as someone that at one point fancied himself as some kind of an athlete (and ‘kind of’ is definitely appropriate in this case), I knew something had to change or I would continue to balloon with no end in sight. I wouldn’t go as far as to say I was some sort of out-of-control binge eater, just a careless and absent-minded one who seldom exercised unless it was convenient. In other words, I was no different than a vast majority of the country. Thirty pounds later and after a whole lot of help and support from my beautiful wife, while I’d be lying through my teeth if I said I’ve ‘arrived’ in life, I can say with confidence that stepping back and refocusing for a time can start to change everything.

While it’s definitely on my long list of must-read books, I have yet to read Malcolm Gladwell’s ‘Tipping Point.’ That said, I think I understand the general concept: Little things can make a big difference. When I reflect on this most recent season in my life, Gladwell’s thesis continues to prove all too true for me on a personal level. After starting to focus so specifically on my eating habits and diet, in general, for the last five months, I can’t help but also see how much more disciplined I’ve become in other parts of my life as well.

Like I mentioned earlier, I have a horrible habit of overthinking seemingly everything I do. Instead of just taking my best shot at a task lying before me, I’ll often view it as something much bigger than it really is, shrug it off, and move on to the next project. As you can probably imagine, when you do that, not much gets done. Consequently, that’s why writing has taken such a back seat in my life as of late. Instead, I decided to do what my junior high shop teacher once said to my class, ‘keep it simple stupid.’ In other words, I decided to stop stressing, take a step back, read some books, learn, and quite simply, lose some weight, literally and figuratively. Since then, I’ve managed to read more books than I ever have in such a short period of time, exercise more frequently, and finally allow myself time to relax and actually get excited about what lies ahead for me and my young family. It’s been a refreshing ride, and my brain thanks me every single day for the break. I feel better, I think clearer, and I’m finally ready to move forward with a much more realistic vigor.

How about you? Is it time for you to go on a ‘diet’ and lose a few pounds of unnecessary stress? Start by taking a step back and focusing on one thing in particular that’s holding you back from enjoying life. Progress for me started with dropping a couple of pounds a week. Thirty pounds later and counting, it’s become much more than just improving myself physically, my entire perspective has started to change. Pause for a moment, and if you’re anything like me, you too will stop thinking about everything you want to do, and actually start doing it.